


Neither Good Nor Bad

by SarottiFlotti



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Heavy Feelings, Hurt, You'll be broken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 17:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14049117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarottiFlotti/pseuds/SarottiFlotti
Summary: For a Kwami, neither good, nor bad really existed. Humans tended to judge in those categories though: murder is bad, war is bad, death is bad, darkness is bad. Life is good, peace is good, love is good, hope is good. But those definitions can easily change. So what happens when Chat Noir joins his father? Heartbreak.





	Neither Good Nor Bad

**Author's Note:**

> Heyaa, well, I'm still alive and well fed, thank you very much. However, I suffered through a bit of a dry phase, got over it, wrote too many things at once, finished a few things and... well, this thing here costed me all of my emotional goo-stuff, so I'm stuck in another block. However, there are still a few projects I like to run over and finish so I can post them... very quick I hope.
> 
> But be warned, this little baby here is a heavy one.
> 
> However, enjoy :) (or something like that)

Neither Good Nor Bad

 

For a Kwami, neither good, nor bad really existed.

Humans tended to judge in those categories though: murder is bad, war is bad, death is bad, darkness is bad. Life is good, peace is good, love is good, hope is good.

But when you live more than just a few millennia, you realize that it really depends on those who define 'good' or 'bad'. Murder can suddenly be good, if the victim was someone who threatened you and you killed her or him, because you defended yourself. War can be good, when you try to get out of a dictatorship and 'free' the people. Life can be bad when you get a daily abuse of some sort and death sounds like a better option than life. Peace can be bad if you keep peace for the wrong reason and humans get lazy and forget to pay attention.

'Good' and 'Bad' or 'Evil' are just adjectives that describe a certain system that you define personally.

Some might say Plagg's power of destruction is bad, because it brings death, illness, corruption, bad luck and hunger. But Plagg always cared to get chosens with a pure heart, who will not use their powers to end humanity.

Some may say Tikki's power of creation is good, because it gives life and prosperity, good luck and fortune. But for the most people it was also a burden. While Plagg took care that no one killed humanity, on her chosens shoulders rested the burden of protection.

Should Plagg ever fall into the 'wrong' hands, she needed to keep the balance.

That was another word that was equally useless. 'Right' and 'Wrong'. Who defines what is 'Right' and 'Good' or 'Wrong' and 'Evil'? Humans did. Humans used this to order and categorize their world.

But Kwamis did not care for categorization. Their job was to keep the balance. If Plagg was about to destroy humanity, Tikki's job was to keep him from doing that. If Tikki should ever be about to end world hunger, poorness or whatever that kept humans from challenging themselves, Plagg was about to intervene. Or at least their chosens.

It was a bit... mournful. Throughout every century, there was at least one human that tried to challenge them, that tried to mingle with their balance.

And most of the time it was neither her nor Plagg that got stolen and misused.

To keep the balance, it was their course of action to collect those who threatened the balance in the cosmos.

The 21st century got threatened early. Not even twenty years passed and she was already out with a cute, French girl named Marinette. And after the American girl she had before, her treats were a bliss. American's tended to put too much sugar in... everything.

Don't misunderstand her. Tikki had a sweet tooth since sugar was found, but thirty years in the companionship of Jane and she was nearly ready for a century with no sugar. Well... nearly. She once had a German, Sarah, who preferred salty things, it was awful.

Out of habit, she had ordered cookies from Marinette and got gifted with the tasty aroma of French bakery.

She really was lucky.

 

:

 

Well, Tikki might have just held a speech about how Kwamis are neither 'Good' nor 'Bad'. And Plagg wiII tell you, she's right, so he simply shrugged and dived back into his trash bin, he vacated during his stay with Adrien.

“Plagg?” Adrien asked and tilted the bin to glance inside.

“Hm?” Plagg yawned and bit into his Camembert.

The boy went to sit cross legged in front of his bin, his face pulled into a frown. “Do you think I'll ever work it out with Marinette?”

Sighing, Plagg stretched and took a seat on the bin's rim. “Listen, kid,” he began. He hated those conversations where he needed to be serious. “She's Ladybug, you'll come around.”

“And what if not?”

“You will,” Plagg shrugged. “She's not mad, she knows it is necessary.”

“Necessary?” Adrien asked, curiously tilting his head to the side. “None of this is necessary, I am the bad one here, I am the one hurting her without wanting to. I am bad.”

Groaning, Plagg fell backwards into the bin and the movement around him told him, Adrien had tilted the bin further downwards to watch him. “You are only bad if you let yourself be bad,” he shrugged, “Am I bad because I'm lazy?” he asked and watched his chosen shake his head. “Am I bad because I lend you my powers to go against her?” He shook his head again. “Am I bad because I do not tell you to stop?” Again he shook his head, but this time more reluctantly. “Are you bad for wanting happiness?” He glanced to the side.

“What I wanted to say,” Plagg groaned. This day was awfully exhausting. “We two can be bad when we kill someone with Cataclysm, but we can also be good, because... well we kill someone 'evil' with Cataclysm.”

“I can kill someone?”

“Yes,” Plagg sighed. Again, this kid did not listen. “Good and bad don't really exist, did you not listen when Tikki just explained it??”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind, what is important is that you are not 'bad'. And Marinette is not 'good' either. She does not listening to you, she is flinging you into buildings on a regular basis. Would you consider that good?”

He shook his head. “But she has every right to! I'm-”

“Stop!” Plagg interrupted him and Adrien's mouth clamped shut. “She has no right to, that's your mind telling you that. And when neither of you is good or bad, how would you describe the situation then?”

“Neutral?” Adrien asked confused.

“Nope, unnecessary to fuss about. You did what you did and she did what she did. Now, can you change the past? No, so you just have to cool down and talk. Easy peasy. And now let me sleep, that was enough talk for the next two weeks.”

Adrien simply smiled and dumped another piece of Camembert in Plagg's bin, grateful for the advice. Setting the bin right again, Adrien left Plagg, and the little sprite dug into the glorious cheese.

“Oh Kwami, why am I always paired with the slow ones?” he silently asked and stuffed his mouth with the gooey bliss.

 

:

 

Five years earlier

 

:

 

It was raining. Hard. But Marinette did not mind, she did not feel the cold of the late October's air, she did not feel the heavy drops on her skin and she did not feel the cold marble under her bare feet. She did not feel anything these days.

Five weeks by now. Five weeks and two days without a word of Chat Noir, without a pun from her leather clad partner. She would have never imagined, she's ever going to miss it. Miss him.

The first week, she had not thought anything of his absence. It was common that Hawkmoth did not strike for a few days and Ladybug and Chat Noir were not needed. Not in the daily problems anyway. It was normal to work alone one or two times, while stopping a broken bus or saving kittens out of trees.

But then came the first Akuma attack and Marinette wondered where he had been. He never missed a fight and she barely managed to fight back. It was her sheerest luck that she somehow managed to capture the corrupted butterfly.

This night, she tried to call him nearly hundred times, but he never picked up. And he never called back.

After that, she began to worry. Something must have happened to him, something must keep him away from her. She remembered afternoons spend on pacing through her room, trying to find a reason behind his absence.

Maybe he was on a vacation and forgot to tell her? Maybe... maybe some kind of emergency in his family arose, she knew he had problems with his father, maybe... but then, he would have called her at least. She did not dare to think something happened to him, her Chaton could not be hurt and be certainly not kidnapped.

But what was the reason behind his vanishing? She did not know and may have left a few thousand more messages on his baton.

Then came the next attack and she nearly lost her mind with worry for her partner and frustration of getting beat up. But after three times of charging up again, she eventually managed to capture this Akuma as well, her healing light leaving a bitter taste on her tongue.

After that, she thought, she could as well search for him. By now, people realized Chat went MIA and were shooting her questions she could not answer. Ladybug paid a visit to Alya, leaving a message on the Ladyblog for Chat and for the Parisians not to worry, but report any sightings of Chat. No one answered her request on information. Many condolences and messages not to worry flew in, and she read them all, but they barely helped.

Ladybug was worried beyond anything reasonable by now. She did not know why though. Chat was her partner and he was free to do anything as he pleased, but she felt it in her gut that something was wrong. Something was so incredibly wrong and somewhere during the third week, she was convinced, he was hurt. He was hurt somewhere and cried for her help, but she did not hear him.

Guilt gnawed at her and she used hours upon hours in searching for her kitty. She went through every alley at least twice, asked any homeless man or woman she could find, but came up with nothing. At around three a.m., she always got exhausted, every night of searching took a toll on her. But she refused to go home now, sleeping while Chat may not be able to either. So she sat on top of the Eiffel tower, buried her burning eyes into her knees and waited. Waited for any sign of Chat Noir until she drifted off into a restless sleep.

That went on for another week and Marinette went incredibly numb. Her friends and parents worried for her, but all she ever did was smiling, shrugging and told them not to worry.

All feeling was gone.

That was until the third Akuma attack without Chat Noir and she was frightened beyond anything. That one was a dangerous one, blasting up buildings and streets, parks and schools and whatnot. Ladybug fought nails and teeth to get him under control. But a week with next to no sleep left her weak and exhausted. It was deep in the night and rained heavily when she eventually managed to capture the Akuma, soaked and sore. One could only be flung in so many buildings without being beat up beyond any human understanding.

Her bones and muscles screamed at her for taking a rest. Her head pounded terribly, most likely because she had earned a heavy concussion earlier. It might be healed by now, but she always felt the remaining, dull throbbing. Her hands were red and burned from how tight she had held the wire of her yoyo only seconds before. And she felt herself shiver in the cold, autumn air.

But all the aches were a fading sound in the distance, being overshadowed by the aching burning in her chest.

She never understood how someone could have ripped their heart in two, but now she understood. She felt how something pulled at hers, ripping, shredding and pulling at her insides, so every beat of her physically still intact heart caused waives of pain rush over her body, tingling terribly in her fingers.

Her heart was broken and it hurt so much more than anything else and she would give _everything_ to have a last glance of her partner by now.

She fully intended on going up to the Eiffel tower, somehow sheltered of the raging storm, to wait for him, like she did every night, but her muscles collapsed the second her transformation fell after the fight.

Marinette crouched in the Parisian mud, fingers buried in the slick, wet earth underneath her. Crying.

Heavy sobs let her shaking on the ground, cries of pain erupting from her until she was hoarse. She did not know how much time passed while she banged her head and fists into the muddy ground, but eventually, the tears subsided and she felt weaker than ever.

Marinette wanted all of that to end, finally hearing _something_ of a sign from him, to confirm he was not dead. Because by now, she dreaded the worst.

The rain still fell around her, the drops heavy, but the biting wind gone. She slowly sat up, utterly exhausted. Mentally as well as physically. Then, her gaze fell unto the statue. _Their_ statue.

Crawling over to them, tears swelled her eyes again. But she rubbed them away, together with the water that rinsed into her face, only to see _him_ clearly.

“Chaton,” she breathed, not managing to say anything else. Pulling together all her remaining strength, she heaved herself up to sit next to him, leaning against him, having him close. “Chaton,” she cried and leaned against the cold, wet marble. She missed his warmth, his puns, his flirting. She missed his glances he threw at her when he thought she did not notice. But she did every time. She missed his smiles that reached his ears when she appreciated a joke he made. She missed the green of his eyes that could light up every night. She missed him next to her. She missed his everything.

“Where are you?” she asked the cold, unmoving statue next to her. “Chaton... please answer me.” He stayed silent. “Chat... I miss you,” she whispered and leaned her head against his shoulder, like she had done so many nights. But it was cold.

“Please,” she begged, drawing her knees up to her chest, “please come back to me. Only for a minute so I can see you.” Still no answer. “You don't even have to stay that long.” she sobbed. “Just... just for a second? Please?”

But Chat did not say a single word. He just stared ahead, a wicked smile playing on his lips, droplets of water rinsing down his face and hair.

In the dark, she could imagine him being next to her in person. The wind playing in his hair, making it even more tousled up than it already was. His joyous laughter ringing in her ears when they jumped from rooftop to rooftop. She could not help but smile at the memory.

He was always so full of energy, full of laughter and always managed to make her smile. Leaning forward, she kissed his cheek. It was tender and she poured all her love into that single kiss, she always refused him to give. But the marble stayed cold and unmoving.

“Chaton, please.”

 

:

 

Alya was searching for Marinette. After the Akuma attack from this afternoon, she had left her best friend in the library, going off to film the fight.

Now, she regretted this decision. Tom and Sabine had called her an hour ago, asking her whether Marinette was with her. Frowning, she had glanced outside into the raging storm and shook her head. Marinette could not be still outside, could she?

Promising to search for her best friend, Alya had hung up and called everyone she could imagine. But no one had a clue where she could be. That's when she had made up her mind and dressed, running outside, umbrella clutched in her hands.

Her first stop was the Eiffel tower. Alya knew, Ladybug would be up there and maybe the heroine could help her search. But upon arriving at the monumental, Alya noticed no one was up there. Weird. Turning around, she headed to the bakery, intend on checking there once more, despite Tom and Sabine having promised to call her the second Marinette entered.

It was on the way to the bakery, the lights already shimmering in the distance, when a last lightning struck, illuminating Alya's surroundings. Out of a habit, she turned her head to the park, to the statue of Ladybug and Chat Noir, when she noticed a bundle on the base of the statue, right next to Chat Noir.

In hope of that being either Marinette or Ladybug, she skipped closer and soon noticed that the person beneath the heroes was sobbing and soaked to the bones. She suddenly hoped it was _not_ Mari, because the teen looked so broken.

Then she saw the pink trousers, covered in mud, bare feet, blue because of the cold and wet, dark hair, pulled in muddy and messy pigtails. She had found her best friend.

“Marinette!!” she gasped and quickly sprinted the remaining metres to the statue, standing on tiptoes onto the plinth the statue stood on. Raising her umbrella over Marinette’s head, she quickly wrapped her free arm around her shoulders.

Her friend shivered madly under her touch and the sobs and cries broke Alya's heart. Marinette had been out of it a few weeks now... Alya had guessed it was because Adrien had been pulled out of school, but how she behaved... it must be more than simply that.

“Marinette, don't you want to come home?” Alya asked and tugged at Marinette's soaked through shirt.

“He's not answering, Alya,” Marinette croaked and shocked Alya with how hoarse she sounded.

“Mari, you'll catch a cold-” she tried, but Marinette interrupted her, blabbering nonsense for Alya.

“You don't understand!” she screeched, her voice trying to shout, but it only wheezed out at the end. “He won't answer, he won't move! Alya, he's dead and won't ever be able to come home again!! How can I go, how can I _be_ without him?” she hiccuped and drew herself into a tighter ball, shivering even more. “He won't come, Alya, he's gone,” she sobbed. “He won't come back to me, I lost him and I don't know where he is! I searched _everywhere_ , I called him more times than I can count, but he _won't answer_!”

“Marinette,” Alya tried again, tugging at her. She needed to get the girl out of the rain. And when Marinette would stop to shiver, she could try to make sense out of Marinette's words.

“He won't answer, Alya,” Marinette sobbed again and again. “He won't answer.”

Huffing, Alya quickly crammed the umbrella between her neck and shoulder and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

“ _Alya? Have you found her?_ ” Sabine answered upon the first ring,

“Yes, but she won't come with me, can Tom come and get her?” Alya desperately sniffed, Marinette's sobs tugging at her heart. She needed to get Marinette back home.

“ _God, is that Marinette in the background?”_ Sabine asked, but did not even let Alya answer. She quickly called for Marinette's father and Alya quickly explained where they were. Only seconds later, Alya heard Tom's enormous feet thundering on the street, coming closer.

“Honey,” she heard his voice directly next to them, the warmth the gigantic man brought from the bakery enveloping them. Alya stepped away lightly, letting Tom hug his daughter. But as soon as his tight arms drew closer, Marinette began to wiggle and squirm.

“Honey,” Tom repeated and tried to get her to stop, “Honey, we need to get you home,” he whispered and Alya was shocked. Tom sounded broken and concerned and Marinette still tried to get out of his grasp. But her flailing arms and her called protests held no vigour, no strength.

Eventually, Tom managed to pick her up, cradling her close to his chest. Holding the umbrella high over their heads, Alya struggled to keep up with Tom's pace, trying to ignore Marinette's cries until they were inside and had Marinette more or less dry.

But then, Marinette's broken voice picked up some more volume and she managed to crawl over Toms shoulder, to shout one name. “CHAAAAT!!”

Again and again, she shouted the name into the night, the name echoing from the walls of the surrounding houses, magnifying the broken and hoarse voice.

 

:

 

Marinette woke up and felt incredibly cold. Shivering, she drew the blanket tighter around her shoulders and snuggled into the broad source of warmth directly next to her.

She shortly gave into the imagination the broad chest she was cuddled against was Chat Noir's, the deep breathing was his and he would wake up every second, cracking the lovely smile of his, joking around of how he had the best sleep in the word, despite sitting on the Eiffel tower, with harsh wind embracing them.

But it was not him.

That was enough to make her dry eyes well up again and she sniffed,hiding herself into the blanket and her father's chest.

“Marinette?” The deep voice of her father rumbled through the chest she leaned against and it moved with every spoken word. “Marinette, honey, are you all right?”

She opted to say nothing, she felt hollow and empty. She did not even have the strength to give a mere shrug. She just curled tighter into herself and shivered upon the cold inside of her.

The world blurred around her into a single whirl of nothing. People came and went, voices got louder and fainted. Her father's chest got replaced by her mother's, or Alya's arms or a pillow and whatnot. Marinette did not care anymore.

It was when she was finally alone, the voices having faded and no one was around, she scrunched her eyes open, scanning her room. The outlines were faded, but she instantly recognized her walls, her bed. And Tikki.

“I'm lost,” she croaked, her kwami listening, not questioning her like all the other people did the whole day. “I... can't see the light, Tikki, what am I supposed to do?”

The little spite only sighed and heaved her little numbs up, a silent shrug. Marinette borderlines between grateful that her kwami was at least honest with her and not coated everything in sugar like her parents or Alya did, on the other hand, she just wanted to hear that everything was all right and Chat was not gone.

“Marinette,” she whispered and scooted closer, nuzzling tenderly into Marinette's neck, trying to comfort her.

“Can you...” she hiccuped, new tears rolling out of her tired eyes, “Can you at least tell me he's not...?”

“He's not dead, Marinette,” Tikki finished for her and Marinette flinched at the word with the d. “His Miraculous is still active, Plagg is still with him.”

It was a small weight that lifted off her shoulders. At least he was alive. “But... why is he not answering, why is he... not... not coming?” she whispered, cradling her kwami close. Again, Tikki stayed silent, merely beginning to buzz against her skin.

What does it mean that Chat stayed away from her? Did he leave her because he did not want her anymore? Did he stayed away, because he was hurt or kidnapped? There were even more questions now. He was not dead. And he was not in Paris's streets, hurt or otherwise lost. Maybe Hawkmoth had found him? No, then he would not have his Miraculous anymore. What... what was up with Chat?

Eventually, Marinette drifted off into a restless sleep, exhaustion tiring her body and mind.

 

:

 

“... Marinette... sleeping.” Hushed voices ripped her out of the light slumber. She felt as if she had slept not slept at all. Her muscles ached and her eyes were puffy, burning with the overuse from the last day.

But then, other words slipped into her conscience, that made her dead heart beat shortly. “Chat... Eiffel tower, I wonder what he is doing there.”

Chat.

Flinging the sheet from her body, she ignored her aching muscles and stood up in one motion. Her head went dizzy and aching throbs pondered against her skull, but she ignored it. She ignored her knee that send a shooting pain up her leg and her shoulder that collided with the stairs when she fell down her loft.

All that mattered was that she got to know what Alya was saying downstairs. Crawling over to her trapdoor, she pressed her ear against the wood, intend on getting information.

“Maybe he's waiting for Ladybug?” her father's voice drifted up from downstairs. Her heart skipped a beat at the mere thought of that.

“I don't know,” Alya said, her voice muffled, “He seems weird, said nothing except he is waiting. Should we tell Mari? She's kinda-”

Not waiting for Alya to finish her sentence, Marinette flung herself onto her feet and was up on her balcony in a heartbeat, her eyes trained on the landmark in the distance. Her tired eyes needed a few seconds to adjust, to make something out of the blur that was Paris. But eventually, she saw the black figure atop the highest beams.

“Tikki!!” she called back into her room and the kwami instantly floated up, her face was drawn into a frown. Not caring, not wondering _why_ , Marinette called her transformation and was gone a second later.

Ladybug was pushing and pulling. Zipping from building to building. The adrenaline waking up her body and the fresh wind waking her mind. Her Chaton was there, waiting for her. Tears of joy raced down her cheeks, the nearer she got, the more she could make out of his form.

“CHAT!!” she called upon racing up the tower, flinging into his arms as soon as she was able to. Gripping his shoulders tight, she buried her face into the soft skin and leather in his neck, sobbing. He was warm and alive. He was with her, he was not dead.

Ladybug felt light and fuzzy, all worries of the past weeks slipping away and making room for warmth. _His_ warmth that seeped through her suit into her pores and swirled in her chest and stomach.

“You're alive,” she whispered, clutching tighter at his neck and shoulders.

She had barely registered he had gone stiff when she embraced him, but at her words, he relaxed, put his arms just as tightly around her waist and buried his face into her neck as well. She felt his breath against the little skin, it was ragged and heavy, but it was _there_.

They stood like that for an eternity, enjoying each others presence. Until a doubt, a tiny flicker of reason ignited in Ladybug's head.

Without letting go of him, she she whispered his name, the nickname she hat cried last night over and over again, feeling an entire new roll of her tongue upon these words. “Chaton?”

A hum from him vibrated in his chest his neck, she was cuddled against.

“Where were you?”

Ladybug had definitely not anticipated him to pull away from her after these words. The cold chased away his warmth and she glanced confused into his eyes, they held a sadness beyond her understanding.

“I... can't tell you that,” he eventually murmured, avoiding her eyes.

“You...?” Ladybug stammered. She was was still incredibly exhausted and her tired mind was slow with progressing anything aside from his mere presence. “You can't tell me? Why?”

He sighed and still avoided her eyes. His warm hands that still held her forearms twitched lightly, anticipating nervously this conversation. “Chat?”

“Can you... can you do me a favour, Ladybug?” he asked, his voice was trembling.

A Favour? Anything.

“What is it?”

In hindsight, she should have anticipated something like this. In hindsight, she should have been more wary, more _focussed_. But she had been tired, cold and was just so glad that he was back, that she was foolishly innocent.

Chat finally rose his gaze, his green irises clashing with hers. Determination visible, insecurity and angst buried beneath. “Give me your Miraculous.”

Chuckling, Ladybug shook her head. “What?”

Chat only watched her reaction, did say nothing, until the whole message sipped into her melasse-like brain. “You...? My Miraculous? Why?” A small smile still played around her lips, still hoping it was one of his silly jokes. Every second now, he would crack a grin and call 'April Fools!' It had to be a joke.

Or this was not Chat. “You're an Akuma,” she concluded, stepping way and reaching for the yoyo on her hip.

“No,” he shook his head, sadness still evident in his voice. He reached out to her and grabbed again her arms, pulling her closer back towards him. “I'm not akumatized and I still am the old Chat. Remember, the first day we met? The first words you told me were, you were madly clumsy.” Pulling her closer again, her shoulders sagged in his arms.

He was right, these were her first words to him, he was Chat Noir. But... “Chat, what happened?”

“Can you just... give me your earrings, My Lady?” he whispered, desperate almost.

“No,” she shook her head. “No, I can't give you them, you know that. What is up with you? Are you working with Hawkmoth now?” she chuckled, having meant it as a joke. But he stayed silent, averting his gaze again.

Dread replaced her warm feeling in her stomach, weighing even more heavy than the angst from the past weeks.

“No, you don't, do you? You're joking right?” she whispered, anxious.

He shook his head. “I'm sorry.”

“No,” she laughed, almost hysterical by now. “Stop this right now, Chat Noir, this is not funny.”

He kept silent, regarding the beam next to them. The silence told her everything she needed to know. Stepping farther away from him, his hands slipped from her arms, the tingles upon the cold touching her suit leaving a shivers behind.

“Why?”

“Please know, I don't have a choice, Ladybug,” he said, his voice getting firmer with every spoken word. “Give me your Miraculous or I have to fight you.” Upon this last request, his eyes had finally found hers again and she shivered upon the earnestness and determination sparking in his emeralds.

Unfortunately, there was only one answer. “I can't do that, Chat Noir, and you know that.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but at least it did not waver, did not show the betrayal that ripped her chest apart.

“Then you leave me no other choice,” he sighed. Pulling out his baton from his back, he slipped into an offensive fighting stance. “I really don't want to fight you and hurting you is the last thing I want to do.”

“Then don't,” Ladybug said, not knowing what to do. For good measure, she pulled out her yoyo, mirroring his pose into defensive. “You're not evil, Chat.”

“I may be not evil, but I am by no means good either,” he retorted and slung his baton to her head. Leaping out of his reach, Ladybug manoeuvred around one beam, landing on the other side, yoyo spinning in her right hand.

In one quick motion, Chat was beside her again, having rounded the beam as well, lunging back to strike her feet. Ladybug predicted this move as well, hooking her yoyo quickly around a higher beam and jumped off, arching downwards and spiralling up on the other side, aiming to kick his feet from the beam so he lost his balance. Chat saw this coming and easily blocked her.

With the momentum from the block, Ladybug somersaulted back again, swinging back the way she came. At the highest point, she detached her yoyo from the beam, so she was nearly flying.

Normally, she loved these moments on the momentum of a swing, where she seemed to hover in the air before gravity pulled her back. Today, she was left nauseated. She acted on pure instinct and kicked and blocked her partner where it seemed necessary. Pure muscle memory and adrenaline kept her fighting, kept her moving. Her brain shut down it's functions, her chest was empty and heavy.

Eventually, she managed to land a blow against Chat's temple so he stumbled backwards. When he looked again, she was gone.

 

:

 

Landing on her balcony, she turned around, watching the Eiffel tower in the distance. It was illuminated and she still saw the black clad figure on top. It was weird how her eyes were able to make out his form on this far distance, but she supposed, it was only natural. The whole time, she had been so fixated on him... she would make him out from everywhere.

Turning around, she detransformed and headed back into her room. Ignoring Tikki's concerned gaze, Marinette pulled the comforter over her head. Without saying another word, she quickly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 

: XXX

 

Marinette felt as if only one or two seconds had passed since she closed her eyes, when light pooled into her room and tingled her nose.

Sighing, she forced her eyes open and stared at her ceiling. She felt empty.

The events of the previous night seemed to be like a bad dream. A bad dream she would wake up from every second. Only that she would not wake up.

Chat had fought her, Chat worked for Hawkmoth now. It seemed so surreal, she did not know how to cope with this information. She knew, she should feel anger, should feel despair, should feel the bitter feeling of betrayal, but she felt nothing. She was empty.

The last few days had been awful. Had been full of worries and sadness. Then he came back and it was like a ray of sunshine, only be revealed as a mirage, an illusion that lead her into her certain death. Yes, betrayal was appropriate, but somehow... there was nothing except the heavy emptiness.

Sighing, she rubbed her eyes.

Was it her fault he changed the sides? Because she never reciprocated his feelings, because she never accepted him and his flirts and puns? It surely must be it.

She thought they had shared a bond. A bond beyond anything, he was her best friend and her partner, her other half. But she ignored him and his advances and now he worked with Hawkmoth because he was tired with her. Obviously she had imagined the connection between them.

But what was she supposed to do now? Fighting Chat _and_ Hawkmoth's Akumas? It seemed wrong and hallow, without a purpose anymore. She should just give up and surrender. Of what use was fighting against the inevitable? She can't fight Chat.

That was the moment she realized, she had loved him. Deep down, the bond, she had imagined, was not a magical occurrence, but her feelings that she tried to suppress for a celebrity crush.

Adrien Agreste. Her tries in talking to him seemed childish in hindsight. Hallow and unreal. That was no love, that was nothing. Maybe infatuation, because she was a fan of his father's work. Pair that with good looks, he obviously possessed, some kindness and she mistook her feelings for love.

Who was he anyway? A shell of his father, a shell that was not even able to smile honestly.

But Chat was different. He always made her laugh, was always by her side. The saying you only know what you had when it's gone felt never more true than it did right now. She was such a fool. And now he's gone, left her for someone who paid attention to him.

She felt like crying, but no tears came out. She had cried herself dry.

Turning back to her side, she watched the particles dance in the light. They seemed to be light and carefree. A weird opposite of how she felt right now.

Marinette did not know how long she was lying there, merely staring into nothingness. But eventually, some steps approached from downstairs and she heard her hatch open.

“Marinette?” It was Alya. Marinette did not answer, did not feel the need to. Alya will leave her as well eventually. Then she could be alone. Being alone was better, she could not get hurt when she was on her own.

Unfortunately, Alya did not seem to agree to her silent musing, she climbed up the stairs, something clinked with her movements.

“Marinette, I got you something to eat,” the girl said, sitting down next to her.

“I'm not hungry,” Marinette said, monotone and not turning around to even look at Alya.

Alya sighed and placed a tray with a cup of steaming tea and a bowl of what seemed to be some soup next to Marinette's bed. “You have to eat something, Marinette.”

She did not answer.

“Is it because of Adrien?” Alya suggested and Marinette felt like scoffing. Adrien Agreste was her last problem right now.

“Okay, no Adrien,” Alya said, the movement of Marinette's bed told her, Alya had moved, pulled her legs up on the mattress to sit cross legged next to her. “Is it Chat Noir?”

Marinette could not suppress the flinch of her eyebrows at the mention of his name.

“Okay, Chat Noir.” Alya concluded. “Did you know him personally? I can't imagine his mere absence shocking you this much when he was only an unknown hero. Sure, he's our darling and everything, but even when I'm crushed that he decided to leave so suddenly, it's not that bad. But heads up Marinette! I saw him and Ladybug yesterday on top of the Eiffel tower, he's back, you don't need to-”

“Can you _stop_ ,” Marinette interrupted her, her voice firm and clear. She did not need a reminder of what happened yesterday.

“Okay...” Alya murmured. “But I'd really like to know why you are acting like this, I want to help and-”

“ _Alya,_ ” Marinette warned, still staring ahead, avoiding her best friend's gaze.

“Hey, I just want to help,” Alya said, her voice gentle and caring. It made Marinette angry. “You are my best friend and I-”

“ _No_ ,” Marinette stated, her head finally snapping up, fixing Alya's gaze. Her best friend seemed shocked at her outburst, her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. “No, Alya, you are _not_ my best friend. You don't even know the half of me and you will never know. Chat was the only one who knew me, Chat was the only one who cared. _Chat_ was my best friend, _he_ was the one I trusted the most and now he's gone working with Hawkmoth of all people, so would you _please_ let me alone?”

Alya was shocked and it satisfied Marinette beyond anything. Slumping back into her pillow, she resumed in staring at her wall. She had not noticed, she had heaved herself up on her elbows. She was exhausted. The angry rant had made her tired again, but she could not keep the satisfied feeling she got from yelling at Alya from bubbling up in her chest.

It felt good to yell at someone.

That was until Alya began to whisper. “Chat's working with Hawkmoth?”

Marinette froze. Her exhausted mind had made a mistake. But who cared anyway? It's not like Paris is not finding it out sooner or later. Chat will surely make a big announcement somewhen, at least people will realize he's fighting for the wrong side during the next attack.

She knew she should dread the next Akuma, but she could not find a single ounce in her body that cared. Hawkmoth and Chat are going to win anyway, so of what use was it to keep her identity secret?

So she hummed, confirming Alya's question.

“How do you know it? Did he tell you?” Alya asked once more, her voice barely above a whisper. Again, Marinette hummed. There was a long silence, where Marinette wondered whether Alya had given up already. That would be nice, then she could get back to what she did before she came in.

“Marinette?” Alya addressed her and said girl sighed. Alya would not leave her alone very soon. “Are you Ladybug?”

“Who cares?” Marinette sighed, her eyes stinging. “It does not matter whether I am Ladybug or not. It is of no use asking this question, because Hawkmoth will win. He has since he decided to hunt for us, I was only so naïve to think we could fight him. It was only procrastinating the inevitable.”

“Oh, Marinette,” Alya whispered and drew her into some kind of hug, lying on top of Marinette, her hands circling Marinette's shoulder. “I'm so sorry, I should have known,” she whispered and Marinette heard the tears in her voice.

Hearing her best friend cry into her comforter made her tears roll out of her eyes as well. Her chest constricted, the tiny bit that was possible beside the emptiness and her throat clogged closed.

And the longer the silent weeping continued, the emptiness in her chest turned into a much greater sadness. Chat was gone and he was gone on his own, free will. He left her to work with their enemy.

“Alya,” she sobbed and once the gates opened, she did not know how to close them. “Alya, he's _gone_. He wanted to take my Miraculous, he _fought_ me, how could he? I thought we were partners, I thought... I thought he'll be always by my side,” she cried.

Turning to her back, she drew her arms around Alya's neck, being in dire need of a hug. It was not Chat and not nearly as satisfying as the one yesterday had felt. “He left me to work with Hawkmoth, Alya,” she cried into her friends shoulder. Alya shook as well with tears, letting Marinette talk.

“I can't fight him, I love him too much to hurt him! Alya, how am I supposed to even strike one blow against him? It hurts so much to even _think_ about him, how can I face him knowing he's going to do _anything_ to get my earrings? I want to give them so he could be by my side again, but I can't, Alya, I _can't_. I can't fight without him, I can't be Ladybug without him, I can't _be_ without him!”

Alya was listening, crying with her, but it did nothing to even mask the sadness in her chest. There was a hole in her chest, a hole in her entire being in the shape of Chat Noir. It was a black hole, sucking everything away that could be even remotely called 'good' or 'light'.

Crying and talking everything away helped a bit, but it did nothing to close the wound, to fill the emptiness inside her.

They were lying there, weeping for several minutes until Marinette's eyes ran dry again. But she still clutched Alya close to her, sniffing and shaking in her best friend's arms. “And the worst is,” she eventually croaked, her voice muffled by her friend's shoulder, “they are most likely going to use this afternoon to attack once more, I'm still sore from yesterday's fight, but they are going to use this opportunity to strike, they _know_ I'm in no condition to resist, because Chat knows!”

“I'm going to help you, Mari,” Alya said, sitting up to have a look at her. “I don't know how, but I won't let you go out there alone.”

Sighing, Marinette shook her head. “Alya, that's a very bad idea, we can't-”

“Actually,” Tikki suddenly chimed in, making both of them flinch and turn to her. Alya's eyes widened, but she listened. “Actually, we can go to Master Fu and ask him to give you Trixx again,” the kwami smiled and looked between Alya and Marinette.

Marinette was insecure, but Alya suddenly jumped on the idea. “Yes!! I want to be Rena Rouge again!! Oh, thanks, by the way, you gave me the necklace the first time and it was one of the most awesome experiences, I ever had!”

Marinette managed to smile at Alya's enthusiasm. “Tikki, do you think Master Fu would be okay with that?” she asked and sat up, leaning against the headrest of her bead.

Tikki only shrugged with her tiny nubs and hovered down to sit on Alya's knee.

“Asking won't hurt! Now chop chop!” Alya exclaimed and clapped in her hands, standing up. “I have to get you out of that bed anyway and what would be better than a nice, distracting walk?”

Tikki giggled and flew next to Alya. “Alya is right, Marinette, try to distract yourself! Oh, I'm Tikki by the way.”

The two chatted while Alya picked up the tray with the now cold soup and tea again and both went downstairs, but Marinette stayed in bed. She had no real motivation to get up yet. Staring ahead, the small smile Alya had magically let appear on her mouth quickly fell and the emptiness returned.

But her best friend was quick in noticing her lack of response and dragged her out of her solitude.

 

:

 

Marinette was sipping her coffee, the bitter taste a mere brush against her tongue. Alya was blabbering something again, but Marinette did not listen. Glancing to the clock on the wall of the small café, she noticed it was half past four. Some corner of her mind registered that Adrien's fencing class just ended.

It was hard to get out of her routine planning her day after Adrien's schedule. Even after weeks of not thinking of him once, too coped up in the own worries for a partn-

She interrupted the thought. She did not want to think of him right now.

Unfortunately, the universe had other plans when a crash and yells echoed through the street outside, followed by a bright lilac man that jumped through the street, laughing maniacally. Alya and all the other people in the café sprang to their feet, hurrying around and out of the back door, Marinette stayed calm and continued sipping the hot liquid.

Maybe she could dodge the fight when she simply ignored it. But like before, it was Alya pulling her to her feet.

“Marinette!” she hissed, determination clashing on indifference. “Get a grip, try to _fight_. Fight not against Chat Noir, fight _for_ him. We both know that there must have been something huge going on for Chat switching sides, so fight and find out what it was! Get him back!”

“Get him back?” Marinette asked, a shimmer of hope igniting in the hole that had been in her chest.

“Yes, get him back to you!” Alya practically shouted until lowering her voice again. “I'll head up, try to take care of the Akuma, when you're ready, feel free to join me out there,” she winked and dashed off, the necklace around her neck shimmering in the light upon exiting the small shop.

Marinette stood in the middle of the now empty room, sighing. What was she supposed to do? Fight Chat Noir?

Her thoughts got interrupted by a small whimper somewhere in the room. Frowning, she glanced around and found a small foot poking out behind a booth in the corner. Stepping closer, she bend low and found a small boy, maybe ten or eleven years old, cradling his smaller sister of about four years in his arms. Both had terrified looks on their faces, the cheeks of the small girl wet of still flowing tears.

“Hey,” she greeted them, smiling reassuringly. “Are you hiding in here? Where are your parents?”

“Maman was here a moment ago and now she's gone,” the boy murmured, clutching his sister to his chest, the girl still crying.

“It's okay, the fight has moved on and your mother is surely coming back every second, no need to be scared,” Marinette smiled and extended her hand to the children. The small girl took her hand and Marinette pulled her out, the boy following suit.

“I'm not scared,” the boy exclaimed, grinning up at her. “I tried to tell Eloise that Ladybug is going to safe us, but she did not stop to cry!”

“I did not!” the girl squirmed, but pressed herself against Marinette's leg. The two were so tiny.

“Yes you did, Ladybug will save us! I told you!” the boy exclaimed and the girl pressed herself tighter against Marinette's leg, not answering.

“What about Chat Noir?” Marinette asked out of habit. The thought send a spike through her heart, but she needed to keep these kids occupied.

“Chat Noir is so cool,” the girl chimed, but the boy shook his head vigorously. “Ladybug always safes Chat Noir! Chat Noir is cool, but Ladybug is the real hero! Do you know what Maman once told me?” the boy asked, grinning up at Marinette. “I should be like Ladybug! First I was angry, because Ladybug is a girl,” he stuck out his tongue in disgust, “but then I realized that Ladybug is the bravest hero of all heroes! She's never going to be scared and she'll always safe everyone, including Chat Noir!”

The kids bickered back and forth, the girl jumping to Chat's defence, but Marinette did not listen. The boy was right, Ladybug was not scared, Ladybug was never scared of anything.

Eventually, the mother of the two showed up, thanking Marinette for taking care of her children. Obviously, she had lost the two in the crowd when everyone hurried out of the café. Marinette bid goodbye to them and then turned around, glancing out of the high window of the shop.

The sky was blue and the sun shone. Everything seemed to be normal.

And that was when she realized: The world turned on, even without her. The people continued living, none the wiser of her inner conflicts or the troubles small, boring Marinette had. But the people needed Ladybug.

Ladybug was strong, Ladybug was a superhero, far above their heads, far above any worldly problems. Ladybug was supposed to safe the people, safe Paris, safe Chat Noir.

He had said, he has no other choice, right? Then she will _give_ him a choice. That situation was no different than all the times she needed to save him of the influence of an Akuma. She'll safe him and he'll be back to normal in no time.

This thought filled her, filled not the whole, but set the spark Alya had planted aflame and a small fire of warmth was bubbling in her ice cold chest.

“Tikki?” Marinette announced. The small god zipped up and stopped in front of Marinette's face. “We'll get my kitty back, he has some explaining to do.” Tikki began to smile and nodded. “Transform me!”

The next second, Ladybug leaped out on the street, flying high above Paris's roofs with one forceful tug of her yoyo. In the distance, sparks illuminated a certain street and Ladybug decided that was her destination.

Years of training and a new goal pulled her closer, until she landed on the cobblestone, next to the new, vixen heroine. “Sorry for being late,” she apologized and got into a fighting stance.

The smile Rena Rouge flashed her was thankful and broad, but Ladybugs gaze quickly snapped to an approaching black blur.

“Nice to join us, My Lady,” Chat purred, landing next to the Akuma, his eyes fixed on Ladybug.

“You know what they say,” Ladybug said, her voice strong and confident. “When the cat's away, the mice will play.”

“And now the cat's back,” Chat smirked, pulling out his baton.

 

:

 

Five years later

 

:

 

Her yoyo clashed against the metal of his baton, whipping around a few times and pulling straight. Pulling both fighters to a stop, a small tug of war gave them both time to take a breath.

“How's university?” Ladybug grinned and pulled on the line of her yoyo.

“Nah,” Chat shrugged and whirled out of Ladybug's grip, the string of her weapon sliding off the metal. “It's okay, I guess, lot of work to do.”

“I can relate,” Ladybug sighed and jumped away, dodging a hurl from his baton aimed at her head.

Chat smirked and leaped after her, heaving his staff above his head to take another strike. “You know, you can end this _purr_ ty easily, give both of us a breath.”

“And give you my Miraculous? No, thanks, why don't you give me yours?” she chimed and wrapped her yoyo around his feet, pulling him off mid-air, hurling him into the neighbouring building. Chat easily somersaulted and pushed himself off the building, landing on the street without a flaw.

“You know, you can stop chatting for once and help me!!” Rena cried, running around the corner of a nearby alley, the Akuma hot on her heels. The Akuma was a man this time, a clown of some sorts. Ladybug had not paid too much attention to it, but it seemed, the balloons he was hurling around exploded into waves of confetti or turned people into clowns as well.

It was quite ridiculous.

Rena hurried past them, the clown following them. The two stood on the street staring after them. “You know,” Ladybug began, whirring in her yoyo again, “sometimes, I think Hawkmoth is not even trying, but I must admit, he's incredibly fast for the size of the shoes of his.”

Chat rolled his eyes. “Tell me something new. But Hawkmoth'll skin me if I ever say anything against them. He actually is pretty proud of some of his creations.”

Back to topic, Chat hurled around again, striking his baton again against her midsection, but Ladybug deflected easily.

The last years were hard. Even through all of their banter that never stopped, whether they fought against each other or with each other, both of them gave their best to get the other down. It was nerve wrecking, physically and mentally exhausting.

Ladybug often sported bruises after fights, sore muscles and an aching heart, but at least, she was certain, Chat was not any better.

The only solace: they had not lost their dynamic. Banter, flirting and everything else was natural to them. They did not fight Akumas, but themselves. Chat was there to support Hawkmoth's Akumas, Ladybug jumped in between, distracted him and Rena took care of the Akuma. As soon as she had gotten the cursed object, she will get to Ladybug, who could purify the corrupted butterfly. As soon as she was finished, Chat was gone.

It went so far that Ladybug got giddy when an Akuma showed up, because that would mean, she could see Chat again. Could talk to him and see that he is well and alive.

They were still two halves of the same whole and nothing was able to change that. Not even Hawkmoth or opposite sides. Ladybug was still determined to get him back to fight Hawkmoth instead of her and Chat still wanted to get her Miraculous. But they seemed to be stuck, neither being able to move forwards or backwards, they balanced each other out, positive and negative.

And if the years have shown anything, it was that Ladybug and Chat Noir were equals, equally strong, equally determined. Equally stubborn, some might say.

But it also showed how desperate they were. Sometimes, they destroyed half the city during their fights. Everything got set back afterwards, but they always left chaos in their wake. Some days were better, some were worse, but neither wanted to surrender, neither wanted give in.

Today was one of the good days, they were more talking and joking than fighting seriously, it always depended on the Akuma Hawkmoth created, the more ridiculous they were, the more chance for them to slack off.

She knew Chat was tired of this as well, it was during the first month or so were he dropped the serious demeanour, getting easily back to their banter. Ladybug's heart soared that day, joy and happiness for having her partner at least somehow back was giving her even more hope than anything else.

The bad days were awful, she often sat at home, tending her wounds with ice and chocolate, taking movie nights with Alya. Hope was low on these days, a bad mood and hurt feelings drowning her. She avoided any news or comments on their fights. She hated every second of it. Every bruise or cut she sported remembered her of one, she had manage to land on Chat.

It was a hole she fell through, unable to stop, their ambivalent relationship pulling and pushing at her and she did not know what to do to end all of this.

“Time to end this,” Chat suddenly called, lunging his hand high in the air.

“You're right Chaton,” Ladybug nodded, her yoyo following his.

Black bubbles enveloped Chat's clawed hand and an apple fell down into Ladybug's hands. “ _Gotcha_ ,” both smirked and hurled again towards the other. Chat faked a blow with his staff from the left, hurling to the right to destroy the lucky charm in Ladybug's hands. Before Chat could come even near the fruit, Ladybug hurled it upwards to the sky again, skipping under Chat's feet, knocking him off balance in the process.

Chat Noir rolled on his back and up his feet again, catching the fall easily. Glancing around for the apple, he did not notice, how it came back down, landing on the street in a big splotch.

“You lost your Charm, LB,” Chat smirked and stepped forward again.

“Who said that was not my plan from the very beginning?” Ladybug retorted with a shrug. “You know better than anyone else my plans never fail.”

Smirking, Chat sauntered forwards, avoiding the splotch of the former apple on the cobblestone, the Cataclysm still bubbling in his hand. “Your plans might always work, but I never failed as well.”

“You failed to notice my yoyo,” she smirked and pulled the string on her yoyo tight. While he had been distracted by the apple, she whirred the yoyo around the street lights, creating a tripping hazard. While pulling the string tight, she activated the trap and caught Chat off. He fell to his feet and his Cataclysm got lost on the street.

The cobblestone cracked and split open.

“Oops,” Ladybug smiled and bend low, he had to look up to her to see her. “Sorry, did you trip?”

Growling, Chat quickly pushed back to his feet and stood very close to her. Cataclysm gone and his baton rolled somewhere else when he fell, he was pretty harmless right now. He never used his claws directly against her.

He was pissed and she merely grinned.

“Want to talk?” Ladybug suggested, blinking up at him.

He sighed, frown quickly dissipating. “About me working with Hawkmoth? Don't you have something _mew_?”

“No,” she easily smiled, her palm rising up to meet his cheek. She was in a good mood and had still had four spots left. “How are you Chat Noir?”

He closed his eyes and leaned into her palm. “I'm fine. How are you?”

“I'm missing my partner,” she whispered, her thumb gracing his cheekbone. “I can help you Chaton, when he threatens your family, your friends, we can protect them-”

His hand suddenly reached up, cupping her hand on his cheek. His movement interrupting her. They had had this talk for nearly a million times now and it was visible their situation pained them both. “It's nothing like that, Love, believe me when I say I have no other choice. Can't you just give up? Come with me and surrender and we can stop this nonsense.”

His eyes opened and his gaze caught hers. It was full of emotion and Ladybug shuddered upon the rawness in his eyes. “I can't, Minou, you know that.”

Both stood in the middle of the street, simply gazing at each other. Ladybug's heart ached, she wanted to close the gap. The last years showed her that the love she felt towards Chat Noir was true and ran deep. Deeper than anything else she ever experienced.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

He smiled and stepped away, sadness lingering between them, a deeper understanding waving in and out of them. Chat was a good few feet away when Rena suddenly came back around the corner she had vanished, completely out of breath.

“Sometimes, I have the feeling I am only your running minion,” she wheezed and bend forward over her knees, gulping in air and holding out her hand, a red ball in er hand, the clown's nose. “I do nothing else.”

Chat chuckled and picked up his baton. “Well, I'll see you next time, I suppose,” he winked and leaped away, when Ladybug ripped the nose in two. Easily catching the butterfly, she watched Chat vanish in the distance.

Like in a trance, she picked up one of the remaining, more intact pieces of the crushed apple and hurled it into the air, calling her Miraculous cure. The lights swept over the city, repairing the street and turned random clowns back into civilians.

“Where did you leave Nino?” Ladybug asked Rena and her best friend sighed, still out of breath. “Somewhere around the corner, have to search for him first, want to tag along?”

“I don't know Rena,” Ladybug sighed and went lazily into an alley. “I always feel like the third wheel coming along with you.”

“But you can't hide in your apartment all week,” Rena sighed, transforming back to Alya.

Ladybug transformed back as well, leaned against the wall in her back with a huff. “I'm really not in the mood today, Alya.”

Alya frowned and placed her hand on Marinette's shoulder. “Okay,” she gave in with a smirk, making Marinette wary. “I'll let you off the hook for today, but we are meeting again on Friday, and by chance, I know that you are free that afternoon.”

“Alyaaaa,” Marinette whined, but Alya interrupted her.

“You are not third wheeling, because Nino just told me, someone else will come as well,” she smirked and all hairs on Marinette's neck stood up straight. “A certain blond model has a day parole.”

Gulping, green eyes glowed in her head. Not daring to say anything she just stood there, staring at her best friend.

Oblivious to Marinette's condition, Alya snaked her arm around Marinette's and tugged her out of the alley, Tikki and Trixx diving into their respective purses. “I know, you have all eyes for your ex-partner and whatnot, but the last time you met, there were literal _sparks_ , I was scared you set the restaurants aflame.”

“Haha,” Marinette fake laughed, her gaze switching to the rooftops, looking out for her partner.

“No, I'm serious,” Alya babbled on, together, they walked down the street, Marinette always watching the skyline.

 

:

 

It was Friday and Marinette tugged at her dress. It was too short for her liking, but she knew it was appropriate. Only because she was used to wear slacks for work or sweats at home, it does not mean any dress that revealed more than her shins were inappropriate.

Sighing, she closed her apartment door behind her and trudged forwards. Alya picked her up in front of her building and together they drove to the restaurant.

Entering the location, her eyes instantly found Adrien and his eyes went wide. She had chosen a red dress that stopped shortly over her knees, the hems lined with lace in the same colour, a black belt around her waist. The cleavage was of a round cut, hugging her breast and cleavage. The arms got down to her lower arms. The whole thing was form fitting, cute and sexy. Her hair was in an up do, innocent curls falling to her shoulders and into her face. She looked gorgeous and she knew it.

But Adrien himself was not dressed bad either. The newest Gabriel suit of a black as deep as the night, not a speck of dust on the pants and jacket. The inner lining of the jacket was made of silver, glimmering in the low lights of the restaurant. A light grey shirt underneath with the butterfly logo on the slightly darker collar.

They managed to get through the salad and main course without any incidents. But when they waited for dessert to arrive, Marinette excused herself to go to the toilet, but found herself pressed against the cold tiles of the bathroom, sandwiched between said wall and Adrien.

His lips were raking feverishly over hers, smearing her lipstick, leaving red hot trails raking up her spine. She pulled him closer, mussing up his hair in desperation to feel him.

Groaning, Marinette opened her mouth, granting him access easily. His tongue was wet and hot and was mirroring every ounce of craving she felt.

Then, his hand found the sensitive skin on her thigh and every contact of his skin against hers set her further aflame. The cold metal of his ring even worse. Hooking her leg around his hip, she pressed his hip closer to her, feeling his need and desperation.

Gasping apart for air, he did not even let a heat beat pass until he settled for the soft skin of her neck, biting down on the tender flesh. Gasping and groaning, she pulled him further against her. Pulling and pushing, that seemed to be all they were doing. Pushing and pulling.

He pushed and went even closer against her, her legs trembled and she would have sunken to the warm, dark tiles of the fancy bathroom, would he not have held her up by mere need.

They shared the same air, the same feelings, the same body. They were always in sync. Always. Yin and yang. Day and Night.

“Marinette,” he groaned and his voice alone, the trembled tenor of his voice was enough to drive her into a blissful oblivion.

“Chaton,” she sighed and pulled him closer, his lips finding hers instantly.

They could talk later, now she needed _him_.

“It's been too long,” he whispered against her lips and she shuddered when his hot breath ghosted over her facial skin.

But he was right. It had been too long since they saw each other, let alone being able to talk with more than a few minutes to spare, not even think of _touching_ the other. The occasional meet ups with Alya and Nino on their set up double dates their only excuse.

As Ladybug and Chat Noir, they were enemies, trying to get the other to surrender. But Adrien could not meet up with Marinette either, they barely knew each other and it would be suspicious for them to suddenly be in a relationship. Adrien refused to endanger her, Ladybug and Chat Noir's issues does not concern Marinette and Adrien.

It gave them a pause from trying to fight the other and be there, be themselves, take what they wanted dearly. But it was a small balance they were handling, a small comfort between their more than rare meetings as civilians.

“Way too long,” she murmured back, catching his lip between her teeth. That made him groan and he pressed against her again, his hand gripping her thigh, his nails digging into her tingling flesh. “But we need to get back eventually.”

“Not yet,” he begged, silencing her with his lips. It was hard to resist when he was so close, so warm and steady holding her in his arms.

A knocking on the bathroom door interrupted them and brought back her senses. “Hey, will you finish?” a foreign voice rang from outside, “here are other people who need the restroom!”

“Sorry, I'll be finished soon,” Marinette replied and gently got back down, taking a deep breath. Adrien was still close, his warmth not leaving her, even when he stepped back, granting her space to move.

Her head was spinning when she quickly fixed herself in the mirror, Adrien hovering behind her, his gaze fixated on her soft skin, the red marks he had left on her neck. The only evidence of their love. He always left them and with every time they got harder to hide. As if he wanted to tell everyone that she was his and his alone.

As if to proof her thoughts, he bend down again, gently kissing one of the marks that got deeper in colour, with every passing second.

“I don't want to fight anymore,” he murmured against her skin and she shuddered again, he always made her weak in her knees. But the topic was foreign to Marinette and Adrien. His arms drew around her waist nonetheless, holding her tight from behind. She leaned back, her hand found a rest on his shoulder, her arms enveloping his in front of her stomach.

“Me neither,” she sighed and her thumb graced his ring on his finger. He shifted and kissed her earlobe, an answer to her silent plea. “Why do you do this, Adrien?”

Adrien sighed, his warm breath finding the most sensitive spots, tingling. He opened his mouth to answer, but again, an impatient knocking against the door.

She quickly turned in his arms and wiped the remaining of her deep red lipstick from his lips as good as she was able to. Adrien had chosen to bring their argument into their civilian lives? Then she will bring the peace into the night as well. “Meet me on our spot at midnight,” she whispered and brushed her lips against his again, slipping out of his arms before they got lost again.

He was at her heels when they stepped out of the bathroom, both smiling bashfully at the young woman that waited there, eyes widened in shock. Marinette grinned apologetically and grabbed Adrien's hand to tug him after.

Right before they rounded the corner to the main room, the chatter of the many guests already enveloping them, she stopped again, turned around and fixed his hair. He was silent and tugged a light, red scarf out of his pocket, placing it tenderly around her neck.

He scooped down one last time to leave a bitter sweet kiss and then, both headed out again, craving for the touch of their partner. Pulling her dress a bit further down to hide his scratch marks on her thigh, she quickly sat down and flashed her friends a smile.

Their desserts had already arrived and Alya threw her a weird glance, but they ignored them, eating up, paid and headed to their respective homes.

Marinette got ready for bed, throwing on one of her fluffiest pyjamas and wanted to settle down, watch a movie until she met up with Chat for the first time in five years. But it was easier said than done, her heart beat in an unsteady rhythm and her hands always fiddled with the bruises in her neck. They tingled with every touch and reminded her of her partner, how he, despite all the troubles, still was with her, still stayed by her side. So she could not help and brush over them again and again, smiling.

Eventually, the movie ended without her having paid a single minute of attention. Sighing, she turned off her TV and glanced to the clock. Still thirty minutes left.

Marinette was too anxious of what the evening brought, she transformed and headed over to the Eiffel tower early.

To her astonishment, Chat already sat there, a single rose in his hands. He twirled it, a frown pulling his face into a deeply concerned mask. With a bitter smile, she stepped closer from behind. Leaning over him, she smirked and tilted her head. “Fancy meeting you here, Chat Noir.”

Without flinching, he looked up, watching her upside down. But his frown stayed. Her heart twisted in her chest, a frown did not settle with her kitty.

“One might think you waited for me,” she whispered, her smile diminishing as well.

“I'll always wait for you,” he said in honesty and presented her the rose to take.

Her fingers brushed against his when she took it, sitting down next to him. She hated the distance he but between them when he scooted a bit away. Throwing him a confused glance, he gestured to a weird silver ring around his neck.

He is being watched.

Sighing, she suppressed the tears that tingled in her eyes, she closed them and took a sniff of the rose. It smelled light and carefree, a distant reminder of their stained relationship that was anything but. She must take care to destroy the rose once they parted.

“Will you finally tell me why you are doing this?” Ladybug quickly went to topic. She knew Chat had to chose his wording carefully, she needed to pay closer attention to the words between the lines.

“Will you finally give me your earrings?” he quipped back and she sighed.

“Always the same game, Chat Noir?”

“Not when you surrender,” he replied a bit too fast for her liking. She glanced over to him, he was staring off into the distance, his eyes glazed over.

“Why do you need my earrings?”

Chat sighed, his gaze turning incredibly sad. “To get a wish, why else?”

“What kind of wish?”

He turned to watch her carefully, his gaze aflame. He contemplated his answer, the gears were turning in his head, how much he could tell her. Finally, he opened his mouth, his words carefully crafted. “I lost someone and I want them back.”

Chat had lost someone? Adrien had lost his mother a few years back, but what would Hawkmoth have to do with Adrien's mother? “And Hawkmoth?”

No answer. He simply stared at her, the silent beg not to ask any further, means it was the same goal. Hawkmoth wanted Amélie Agreste back as well. But the only other person she could imagine wanting her back was his father, Gabriel Agreste. Amélie had not had any living relatives and friends were few.

Taking in a deep breath, she thought of how to coax her suspicion out of him. “You know,” she tried, “Rena wants to get to know you too, she was a fan before I found her.”

He tilted his head, but played along. “Rena Rouge? She's strong, she always beats Hawkmoth's Akumas.”

“She is,” Ladybug smiled, remembering how nervous she was at the beginning, having to fight practically on her own. “I'm proud of her. It is as if she was a part of my family, I practically raised her to be a hero.”

“A family business then?” Chat said, his tone joyous, but his eyes were scrunched shut, knowing fully well what he had just told her. Gabriel Agreste was Hawkmoth.

Sighing, she flashed him a reassuring smile. “Yes, but you were always part of my family as well, Chat.” It was no wonder he was working for Hawkmoth, unable to resist his father, unable to have a mother in whose arms he could cry in. She would do anything to get her mother back as well.

“We could be if you would just give me your Miraculous, Ladybug,” he said, his eyes opening to glance into the distance again. Her heart clenched for the sadness in her voice, she really wanted to give in, give him the world, placing it by his feet, only to make him smile again.

She had not seen him smile for a long time.

Ignoring the secure distance he had put between them, she scooted closer again, placing her hand against his cheek, she brushed a kiss against his other cheek. “That is the only thing I can't give you, Chaton.”

He was close, and, oh, so warm in contrast to the stark winds brushing through their hair and against their exposed skin. She never wanted to leave him, but with Hawkmoth watching them, she reluctantly pulled away again.

Chat's eyes were focussed on her again, love and sadness creating an agonizing cocktail that made her nauseous, the cold wind and the hard beam beneath the only thing keeping her grounded.

“We won't shy away from anything. Give me at least your name,” he murmured, regretting the question when he pressed it past his lips. “Only your name, Bugaboo.”

She wondered about the first part, but guessed it was Hawkmoth's doing. She knew he knew her name, but Gabriel did not know. Sighing, Ladybug averted her gaze again. “I can't give you this as well, Chaton.” Not him, but Hawkmoth.

“Me or Hawkmoth?” Chat voiced her thoughts and she wondered why he was so focussed on getting her name. Maybe Hawkmoth had set him on finding out that, instead of getting her Miraculous.

“You know the answer, Chaton,” she shrugged, glancing over to him. He shifted as well, the light flickering over his face and she noticed his nose being a tinge darker and thicker than normal. He had not had that this afternoon. “What happened to your nose, Chat?” she asked and raised her hand to touch it, but he flinched away, hissing.

Gabriel had hit him? Gabriel hat _hurt_ him?!

Anger flared up inside her stomach, heavy, boiling rage. “I'll kill him.”

“No, it's nothing, I fell and-”

“Adrien, that's not _nothing_. You know _I_ am the clumsy one between us, 'you fell' my ass, you never fall!” All caution was gone in the wind, she did not even notice, she had used his real name. “You always catch _me_ , and what kind of weird spot is _that_ to get a bruise when you fall?? Shoulder, back, hip, sure, but _only_ your nose?? Don't lie to me, Chaton. Not to me.”

He pulled his hands up to her cheeks, cupping her face lovingly. His thumb wandered over to her eyebrows, rubbing over the wrinkle just above her mask. “It's nothing, Love, I promise.”

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Hawkmoth, _Gabriel_ is going to pay. Another deep breath and together with his warm, comforting hands, her anger turned into an even deeper sadness. “I don't want to do this anymore,” she whispered, a tear slipped down her mask.

“I can't end this, LB, that's up to you,” he whispered back. It was a plea for help, a scream of agony. She wanted to tell him she loved him, she wanted to reassure him she was _there_ for him. He could always turn to her, could always lean on her, even if they fought on different sides.

Ladybug rose her gaze and head, poring every bit of emotion she felt for him into these precious seconds. She could not tell him how she felt, could not kiss him, could not hold him, could not be the shoulder he could cry on. But she be damned if he would not know how she felt.

Eventually they parted again, her heart heavy like every time, she needed to leave him. Tears were streaming down her face when she made an extra round, jumping over the roofs to try to work out the extra energy. She was pushing and pulling, her muscles hurt with every tug, every leap. The exertion would help when she wanted to fall asleep later.

But despite her fatigue, Morpheus was shut out when she fell into her bed through the trapdoor, her racing thoughts and churning heart making it hard to greet sleep like she desperately wanted to.

She was tossing and turning while the black hero, unbeknownst to her, was watching from afar.

 

:

 

It was a few days later, when the next Akuma showed up. It was a hard fight, Chat was not holding back anymore.

His baton collided with her stomach, she tried to block it, but she was still distracted from the revelation of Chat being forced into everything by his own father, a punching father. She turned reckless and she was too slow and got flung into the next building. The walls collapsed over her and she got buried between debris and shards of broken windows.

Gasping for air, she coughed up blood. Blood was never a good sign. A broken rib must have pierced her lung, at least it felt like that when she hurried out of the rubble. Rubbing the blood from her chin, she hurried off, out of Chat's next strike, the baton clashing hard onto the spot she had been two seconds ago. The floor cracked under the destroying force and the whole building gave in.

Out of instinct, she hurried out of the collapsing house, crashing through another window into the crippling air. Latching her yoyo onto the next chimney she hurried onto the roof, only to collapse on top. Every breath hurt, she had to force herself not to cough to make it worse.

A second too late, she noticed, Chat had come out of the still crumbling building, aiming at her head. It was too late to dodge, but she heaved her arms up, the staff colliding hard against her forearms, flinging her into the chimney and even farer.

It was clear, he had the upper hand this time.

That was the case nearly as often as she had the upper hand. They were equals and therefore, when someone was distracted, the other one took the opportunity, and used said distraction to their advantage. It was merely Chat's turn now. But it was fine with her, he was hurting enough, she did not need to poke any further into the wounds.

So she played the punching bag.

Coughing some more, she heaved herself up on shaking feet and dodged the next strike that left a gawking hole in the roof, Chat vanishing inside.

She pressed her hand against her mouth, holding her nose and forcing herself not to cough. It was hard and her lungs and side burned, she tenderly placed her arm around her stomach, curling in on herself.

Chat had yet to emerge out of the building, but Rena suddenly stopped next to her. Her hand on her back comforting.

“Should I help you? I lost the Akuma, I can distract Chat-”

“No!” she coughed, still bend forwards. “Catch the damn Akuma and bring the object to me, then we can stop this!!”

Rena's hand vanished and she soon heard metal clash against wood. Chat was back. “She's hurt, Chat Noir!! Stop this!” Rena called. She still tried to talk some sense into him from time to time the two interacted, but it was of no use. If anyone knew that, then Ladybug.

Taking a flat breath, because anything deeper shot daggers into her lung, she straightened up again, squaring her shoulders. “Let him be, Rena, take care of the Akuma.” Ladybug was strong, Ladybug was Chat's opponent.

Fixing him with her gaze, Ladybug noticed something was off with Chat Noir. He was still determined, but there was a desperate glint in his green irises. His baton was still stuck against Rena's flute and he should pay attention to Rena, but his gaze flickered to Ladybug.

Stepping forwards, her knees still wobbly, she placed her hand on Rena's shoulder, drawing her yoyo back with the other hand. Everything happened so fast.

Rena rolled out of Chat's strike and the boy fell forward because of the loss of resistance, Ladybug wrapped her yoyo around Chat's waist while Rena knocked his feet away. Pulling hard on the string of her yoyo and flinging Chat into the building that he had emerged from earlier.

Nodding to Rena, the vixen hopped off to find the Akuma so Ladybug can purify it. Swallowing down the pain, Ladybug concentrated on breathing shallowly and giving her body a small rest until Chat managed to tumble out of the destroyed floor.

His golden head made contact with the shimmering sun and he cried in agony. He was not hurt badly. Physically. But the blood curling scream made her wince nonetheless. “PLEASE!!” he called up to her. “Ladybug, _please_!! I don't want to hurt you!!”

“And neither do I,” she whispered, not being able to shout. But he had heard her and he leaped back onto the roof, the baton lunging back while he was mid jump.

The move was predictable, so she somersaulted out of the way, the strike going off into the air. Every movement hurt, every breath burned, every cough ripped her apart. But Chat was relentless, having figured out, she favoured her left side and lunged again and again for her hurt right. Not being able to dodge or block every blow, she was soon lying on the blanc street, Chat stepping over her, blocking out the sun.

His head was illuminated, the hair shining like a halo around his head. It was a magnificent view. The baton in his hand glimmered idly, when he put it back into it's place on his lower back.

Ladybug's breath came out in ragged coughs, her conscience slipping in and out, her vision fuzzy. She had heavy internal bleeding and she knew this time, Chat may have won.

He crouched down on one knee, the knee taking a rest next to her good side. His face was wet with shed tears, when he bend lower, his palms resting against her cheeks first. Chat lowered his head, placing a tender kiss to her forehead, while his hands moved further to her ears.

No.

No, he could not win like this. She _won't_ let him win like this.

It was pure stubbornness and adrenaline when she suddenly heaved her knee upwards, ramming it hard into his jewels.

His breath got caught when he abandoned her ears in favour of clutching his hands against his groin and curling in on himself against her chest. It hurt when he involuntarily bumped against her ribcage, sending another daggers into her hurting flesh.

Gulping down the pain, she collected all her remaining strength and pushed him off her, so he rolled to the side, groaning and withering in pain by her side. It was weird how she drew immense satisfaction out of the fact that he had beat her up all day and it needed only a strong kick against his lower regions to make him surrender.

“You just killed our three kids,” he wheezed in agony and that made her chuckle darkly. But it send her into a coughing fit that ripped her lungs apart and spluttered even more blood up. It hurt immensely.

She distantly heard someone call her name, a black gloved hand shoved something into her shaking hands. Her fuzzy mind thought it had been Chat, thought he was back with her, thought he was fighting alongside her. Hope and happiness made her cry and her muscles worked on her own when she ripped the necklace in her hands in two, and catching the butterfly on muscle memory.

With shaky hands and the last remnants of her conscience, the threw her yoyo up and called for the cure. Everything went black afterwards.

 

:

 

Everything hurt, especially her side. It was sore and pricked and she was incredibly tired. Forcing her eyes to open, it needed longer than she was used to until her vision focussed to a cream ceiling and a soft, brown couch she was lying on.

Groaning, she turned to the side, registering she was in Alya's apartment. Taking a deep breath, she revelled in the feeling of her lungs filling with oxygen instead of blood. Holding it, she slowly released it again. Repeating this process a few times, she soon began to silently cry.

She had won, but to which prize?

Marinette heaved herself from the couch and glanced around. Alya stood in the kitchen, preparing something light for dinner. She wanted to be alone.

Tikki sat on the bystander, watching her chosen out of big, blue eyes. “Tikki?” she whispered.

Alya turned around upon her friend's voice, but the got blinded by a bright light and when she blinked away the fair spots, Ladybug had already hurried out of the balcony.

She was jumping over the roofs, tears streaming down her face. Her head and body were empty, she was far away, when she landed in an alley, detransformed and headed home. Her apartment was cold, but anything but empty.

Marinette had been in a trance of emptiness until her vision zeroed in on a blond head on her couch.

His black, leather ears twitched when she entered and her keys cluttered to the floor when he turned his head. She did not see the swollen eye, the bleeding lip or his limping leg. She only saw her kitty, her love waiting for her.

Her mind was fuzzy enough to make her delusional, the vision from before she blackened out returned, how _he_ pressed the cursed object into her hand, how _he_ stood by her side and not Rena Rouge.

Needless to say, she raced into his waiting arms, Chat meeting her halfway.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered and again, everything went black with a twitching stab into her sore side.

 

:

 

Marinette's mind slipped back into reality and she felt a raw, metallic surface under her. It was cold and ungiving, a stark contrast to Alya's couch earlier.

Groaning, she turned onto her back, her eyes fluttered open, being greeted with darkness. Then, the events crashed back onto her. Chat Noir waiting for her in her apartment.

“Adrien?” she groaned and a hand gripped hers tightly. She flinched away first, not having anticipated something like this. But she soon relaxed against the warmth and sat up straight, grabbing for him in the darkness. “Adrien? What happened?” she whispered when she found his arm and his shoulder.

He sniffed as if he was crying. “I told you he won't shy away from anything,” he sobbed and she crawled closer, drawing her arms around his shoulders. His head buried into her neck and it was wet and hot, but she just held him.

“I'm so sorry, Mari, I'm so sorry.”

She shushed him and rocked back and forth while he mumbled apology after apology. Marinette guessed he had taken her to the mansion, had taken her back to Hawkmoth.

Judging by the fact that both were not transformed and he had broken their silent agreement to not meddle with their civilian lives, she guessed Hawkmoth had somehow found out about her identity and ordered Chat to collect her. That's why he was apologizing.

“It's okay, it's okay,” she shushed him and buried her hands into his soft locks. “It's okay, Minou, it's a war, you did nothing wrong.”

“Yes I did,” he sobbed, clutching her close, “I betrayed you, I hurt you, I nearly killed you!”

“And I killed our three children, so I think we are even,” she chuckled to lighten the mood. It was normally Chat's job, but he was so broken, she would do anything to make it better.

Adrien chuckled as well, sniffing against her shoulder. “I'm sorry though.”

“I know,” she murmured and shifted, kissing his temple. “Where are we?”

“In father's lair. He wanted to leave you here, but I refused to go.”

“Then you did everything right,” she murmured, reassuring him. Placing one hand from his hair onto his cheek. Drawing away, she placed a kiss against his chipped lips. “I'm all right when you are with me.”

“And I'm all right when you are with me,” he echoed, his voice raw and honest.

“How cute,” a cold, menacing voice quipped, steely heels echoing against the metal of the ground.

Marinette grabbed Adrien's shirt to steady herself while whipping around to face the voice and the clicking heels that echoed around the room.

Eventually, a whirring sound filled the room and a sliver of light entering the lair, growing bigger and bigger until the whole room was lit. A tall figure stood in front of the gigantic, circular window. Panes raked across the glass, creating a butterfly pattern that threw long shadows across the three people in the room.

Gabriel stood in the middle, wearing his usual attire, white slack suit and red pants. He held a book in his hand, along with a small box. The box contained their Miraculous.

“I must admit,” Gabriel spoke up, “I was surprised to find you being Ladybug, Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng.”

“Why that?” Marinette asked, gripping her partner tighter. He was leaning heavy against her shoulder and she was concerned for him, but her eyes were fixated on the enemy.

“You were always so promising,” he sighed and bend down, placing the book to his feet, flicking to a certain page. “But it's not too bad, I guess. When we are finished, I won't hold a grudge against you. You were doing what you were supposed to do, you are loyal and strong. That's admirable.”

Marinette was silent. It felt wrong to thank him for pointing out those qualities.

Then, Gabriel opened the box, Adrien's ring and her earrings blinking idly in the dim light. She averted her gaze, regret and failure making her stomach churn. Adrien as well was glancing to the side, his face hidden by his fringe, he was trembling.

Suddenly, she noticed his weird position. He would normally sit cross legged, but now, his left leg was placed by the side, his left hand gripping his thigh tightly.

“Chaton?” she whispered and he heaved his head up, incredibly slowly.

Her breath hitched, seeing his face. It was beaten up, his chapped lips were ripped and slightly bleeding from their kiss, his nose was swollen and bruised dark red, splotches of green, brown and purple raking over the bone. It was not broken, but damaged. The bruise turned darker and even more purple, with a swing to the right, raking over a swollen and bloodshot eye. His green irises were glinting, the tears still very prominent on his fair skin, his cheekbones and cheeks wet.

Gasping, she gently touched the swollen eye, Adrien flinched at her touch, but stayed where he was, still enjoying her gentle fingers on his skin.

She frowned in determination, turning around to face Gabriel.

“You know that every wish has an equally high prize?”

Gabriel froze, halfway turning around to her to watch her out of the corner of his eyes.

Marinette continued. “You want to get a life, one must lose their life, the universe must stay in balance.”

“I don't care about someone losing his life,” Gabriel shrugged and picked the jewels out of their box. Holding both of the Miraculous in his left hand, he covered them with his right. “I see to open thee, holding fairhead and ug, to grant my threw wish. I combine tho tweye, my...” he chanted, concentrating on the words and the magic, but Marinette drowned him out, turning back to Adrien.

Cuddling into his shoulder, she drew him close again. “It's going to be okay, kitty,” she mumbled, pressing a kiss to his neck. She knew what was going to happen, that was a part of why she never gave him her Miraculous in the first place. She just hoped it would not turn out too bad. The prize of a life was another one. The question was whose.

Adrien as well, his breath shaky and fragile, he clutched at her shoulder, but watched his father intently. When everything turned out all right, he will see his mother again, after all. Six years of neglect and loss had taken it's toll on him. He had fought her for five of them, only to get her back. She held no grudge.

But that did not mean she had to watch how Monsieur Agreste threw away a life, only to get a single one back.

Closing her eyes against his neck, she concentrated on his warmth, the fabric of his shirt in her fingers and his soft hair tingling her ear. His breath fanning over her skin and his rapid heartbeat mirroring hers.

But suddenly, an ice cold force tugged at her stomach. It was pulling and she gasped, Adrien feeling it too. The cold spread through her entire body, tingled up into her fingers and toes. Her vision faded and she was certain, she would have fallen to the ground, would she have not already crouched there.

She wobbled, her only anchor Adrien by her side, but he did not seem to do any better. He slouched forwards, groaning when he felt similar to what she felt.

But as sudden, as it began, it stopped, feeling returned back into her body and the room stopped spinning. They were shivering when they regained their consciousness, breathing heavy.

“Adrien?” Marinette whispered, anxiously.

“'M here,” he murmured back and she felt how he heaved his head up and drew in a shaky breath. A gasp until he quickly let go of her and tried to scramble forwards.

Marinette followed him with a sad gaze and noticed a blond, naked woman lying next to an unconscious Gabriel in front of the high window. Adrien scrambled to his mother, his breath raspy when he tried to not shake his wounds too badly.

Sighing, Marinette was exhausted. She did not know what had happened to them, why she felt that weird pain, when they were obviously not dying of the whiplash of bringing someone dead back. Maybe it was her bond to the earrings? She had to ask Fu later.

“Maman?” Adrien cried and Marinette saw tears streaming down his face, when he gently cradled her face. “Maman?” The woman stirred when he touched her and she saw a big smile stretch on his face, when he whispered something Marinette could not understand. She liked his smile.

Marinette knew she should feel happy for him, should feel happy that he finally got his mother back. But all she felt was remorse, disappointment and like she was a failure. The prize was still unknown to her as well. The uncomfortable mix of dread and anxiety made her feel sick. She had failed as Ladybug and failed as Marinette.

Sighing, she wanted at least make sure everyone was all right, Adrien was buried in a deep hug of his mother, was whispering silent words of comfort and reassurance. They did not need an intruder, they were fine.

Standing up with much effort, Marinette still felt her headache and her aching limbs, she waddled over to them, her feet clicking against the metal of the lair, she knelt next to Gabriel.

Lightly shaking his shoulder, he did not move. His eyes did not flutter and with shock, she realized, he did not breath either.

“Gabriel?” she whispered his name, shaking him with more force. No move. “Gabriel?” she asked again, this time a bit louder and moved her hand to his cheek to feel his temperature. He felt cold. With practised ease, she went to his neck and pressed her fingers onto the spot where his pulse must be, holding her breath to concentrate on him. Nothing.

“Father?” Adrien's voice was shaky, anxious. Amélie, having gotten Adrien's jacket, watched Marinette with wide eyes, her gaze flickering from her to her husband.

Marinette closed her eyes and sat back, drawing her knees up to her chest, avoiding them. “I told you, there was a prize,” she murmured. Her eyelids were burning and she let the tears run down her cheeks, hidden away behind her knees. “I suspected something like this will happen,” she whispered, not daring to speak any louder because her voice will surely betray her. “The prize of a life is a life. Any wish has a backlash. He wishes his wife back, but he will never really get her. That's the prize you pay for meddling with the universe.”

It was easy, like the genie in the bottle. You will never get your truest wish, something will always be wrong, something will show you how wrong you have been to make a damn wish. It was simple. When you mess with the balance of the Universe, it will mess with you as well. Fu had explained that to her.

“But... the prize is a life, how can-?” Adrien asked, his voice breaking.

“The life you take is the one you give. That's keeping the balance,” Marinette echoed the words of Fu, still crying. “Meddling with the Universe is something else. That's why someone should never have the power for a wish, it's not worth it and brings everyone only misfortune a makes-” she hiccuped, “makes you regret your choices.”

She was exhausted and curled in on herself even further. Marinette wanted to go home, not to her apartment, but _home_ , where her mother could hug her and tell her everything would be all right. And she will believe her, because it was her Maman. Marinette would then fall asleep in her arms and her Papa will tug her into bed, breathing a kiss onto her forehead. She wanted to go home.

Not noticing she had begun to wail, strong arms suddenly surrounded her and held her tight. First mistaking them for her father's, she froze, thinking it had all been a bad dream. All these past years had been a bad dream and she woke up, soaked with sweat in the arms of her concerned father.

But it was Adrien. Adrien who held her tight and Adrien who she loved. It was finally him. She was angry at him for not having listened to her, but she could not manage to reject him. She had not the strength to.

So she simply turned in his grip and buried her face into his neck, gripping his shoulders tight. He shifted so he could sit next to her properly and buried his face into her neck as well. His shaking form told her he was also crying.

It was a small solace in her aching chest. All of this had been her fault. Adrien got his mother back, yes, but he lost his father, needed to cry for another lost parent. And it had been her fault, because she had been not strong enough to fight.

“I'm sorry,” Adrien suddenly cried and repeated it again. “I'm so sorry!”

Wondering, why he was apologizing, she wanted to ask, but he again and again repeated these few words, desperate to tell her.

Soon, another one joined them, warm and tender arms, hands as soft as her mother's gently cradled their heads. It was his mother, trying to sooth them. And just, because it was a mother and all hugs from mother's felt the same, comfortable and warm and loving, Marinette fell into another fit, accompanied by Adrien's apologies.

Eventually, Marinette calmed down enough and drew back. Flashing a tear stricken Madame Agreste a hopefully thankful and reassuring smile, she gently cupped Adrien's face and raised it from her shoulder.

“Hey, Minou,” she flashed him a wobbly smile. “Don't be sorry,” she whispered, because it suddenly dawned her why he felt so. He thought it was his fault because he did not listen to her. “We can't change it now, can we?”

His gaze flickered to the Miraculous that had fallen out of Gabriel's hand. Instantly she slapped him with one of her hands that already rested against his cheeks. Not too hard, but hard enough that it hurt.

“Ow,” he wailed and put his hand on top of hers that rested again on the spot. “I didn't do anything!”

“Your own fault, dumbo, and you know fully well why.”

Huffing he fixed his gaze back onto her.

They were interrupted by a light chuckle and both turned back to Madame Agreste who sat next to them, one of Gabriel's lifeless hands in hers, but she smiled at them, tears still fresh on her face. “You two are really cute.”

And just like that, the horrible tension was broken. The immense grief and feelings of guilt still hung in the air, but it was... not that bad anymore. Adrien hastily introduced the two and Madame Agreste cried because he had grown up in a mere heartbeat in her opinion. And having a _girlfriend_ , as well. Both blushed, not knowing what to answer, because they never had a chance to sort things out yet, but neither corrected her.

Marinette soon stood up and went to fetch Nathalie, insisting on Adrien staying with his mother. Nathalie was the only one capable to care for everything in the moment and it was kind of her job to do so, so Marinette gladly gave the responsibility into her professional hands.

 

:

 

The funeral were several days later. The doctors and everyone else was convinced, it had been a heart attack, the lack of evident wounds and the fact that... well, his heart had suddenly stopped beating were speaking for themselves.

Madame Agreste was soon back under the living, not able to explain where she had been, the doctors released her with an amnesia of some sorts. It was partially true, she had no clue what had happened to her and Adrien did not know as well, because Gabriel never told him.

Not wanting to stir sleeping elephants, they let it be like that.

Adrien was incredibly happy, his mother was back and the mansion began to be livelier. A few carpets and flowers from Madame Agreste and the mansion that was still enormously huge seemed to be a bit smaller.

Marinette stayed every night with her kitty. He had moved back home, to help his mother readjust and be close to her. Logically, Marinette joined him, both not wanting to waste any more time apart, only because they needed to sleep or eat or... whatever. They still needed to go to their university courses, but that was manageable.

Adrien often woke her up at night, nightmares plaguing his sleep. Marinette would always sooth him back to sleep, cradling him close until his breath evened out.

“Am I bad, Mari?” he eventually asked one night.

“What do you mean?” she whispered into his blond locks, scratching his scalp because she knew he liked it. He was buried against her chest, his arms tight around her waist.

Adrien sighed, his breath ghosting over her skin. “I feel awful, I did all this bad stuff and... and I enjoy what came out of it. Maman is back, my schedule is lighter and I can actually _live_ here. With you in my arms. I love how it turned out, but father is dead and I loved him, but... I don't know. I fought you for this long and you were right, the outcome was bad, because it killed my father, but... I actually like it. How can I like it?”

“It's only natural, kitty,” she said, not stopping in her ministrations. “And I hate to admit it, but I like it too. I have you back and your mother is a wonderful person. When you are bad, I am bad as well for killing my idol.”

“You're not bad,” Adrien insisted and heaved his gaze to look her into her eyes. The green irises glinted in the darkness. “You fought for good, you were the only one who resisted-”

“And failed,” she added. “Hawkmoth won, the bad guy won. So?”

“But isn't it useless to fight for good then, when it doesn’t matter who wins?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief. Marinette sighed. During her talks with Tikki and Master Fu, she came to a conclusion and she needed her kitty to get it as well.

“Chaton, we don't know what will arise out of our actings. We live in the best, possible world and if it means that the evil is winning, who says something good can't arise of that? It's always useful to fight for good, but it is also your right to fight for your dreams. Who decides what is good and what is bad? When the best possible outcome and the best possible good can only form when the evil wins, so let it be, Chaton. Neither good nor bad does really exist, because we don't know what is the best possible outcome. You're not bad, because you fought for your dreams, to get back your mother. It turned out to be the right choice, no?”

He huffed, not satisfied with her answer.

“Or maybe you just want me to tell you you're bad,” Marinette chuckled, “but that won't happen. So try to get back to sleep, Chaton.”

He frowned and buried his face back against her chest. “I don't like your new wisdom,” she heard him murmur and broke into a laughter.

 

 


End file.
